Mercy, For Me Please
by ErykahMiszti
Summary: Post-Wrecked, sometime in the near future but not quite yet. There's a plotline….?! Oh wait, yeah, Buffy and Spike have a confrontation. B/S


Title: Mercy, For Me Please

Author: Erykah

Email: erykah@hamadryad.com

Website: http://www.sweet-poison.net/

Summary: Post-Wrecked, sometime in the near future but not quite yet. There's a plotline….?! Oh wait, yeah, Buffy and Spike have a confrontation.

Rating: PG-13 

Disclaimer/Dedication: Not my characters. Owned by those people I love to hate because they always push the walls of expectation.. and occasionally knock them down entirely. ;-)

Note: The title and opening quote come from a song by Reef, called Repulsive. 

Xxxxxxxx

*** You don't want my love, you give it right back… ***

Spike lay in bed not sleeping. Staring at the ceiling had been a hobby of his lately. He told himself that he wasn't brooding. He was just thinking. Just remembering. That wasn't brooding. No way was it brooding. Just remembering the night before. The fight with Buffy. The most current one that was. The latest one in a long line of fights. Heck, they'd been fighting since they met, why should this fight have been any different. 

He got it. He understood in the rational moments like this one. She was in pain, afraid of her strong emotions because of hurts in the past, but she made him so mad when she was actually in front of him. All the worst of his emotions spilled out and his mouth just wouldn't stop talking, beyond the point of sense or reason. His mouth always went into terminal overdrive.

Yet again he'd been suckered - let himself be suckered, if the truth were to be told - into helping the misfits.. that little Scooby gang he wasn't part of even though he'd saved their bloody lives more times than he could count. Not that he wanted to be one of them but some acknowledgement, or even just a little less hostility from them, would have been nice once in a while. Not that he needed that or anything. 

With Red out of commission in the magic stakes and the cute little witch MIA since their break up, he'd been needed to give the team a little muscle. Of course, the Slayer had managed to make them needing him sound like they didn't need him at all.. which had ticked him off for a start. Then he'd saved the silly little cow from becoming Shredded Slayer at the hands of a demon with some very nasty claws and had reached a punch in the face for his troubles, just because he'd actually had to touch her to do it. 

They hurled the usual insults. It was a fight they both knew by rote now. Nothing spectacular or unusual about it. Even their fights had turned into going through the motions. They always ended the same way.. in some back alley. Hot, sweaty, stolen moments of passion so intense half the time he couldn't think of anything else but having her again. Still, every time he vowed never again. Told her. Never again. They always wound up the same though. He loved her too much, craved her too much, to stop her hands, to force them away. 

One of these days, he told himself now lying in bed, one of these days he was going to tell her that enough was enough and actually mean it. But it was the same thing he'd been telling himself every day for months now. She'd been the one to break the pattern last night.

For what had to be the millionth time, he'd told her he loved her but, unlike usual, she hadn't punched him or told him to stop saying it. She'd looked as if she had been going in for a swing, drawing back for a punch.. but she'd stopped. That had thrown him. He'd gotten so used to it. He might even have flinched, expecting it.. prepared to smirk knowingly at the over-reaction, maybe even hit her back. But she'd just stopped and stood there looking at him intensely for long enough to make him bristle.. and make him hard, but that wasn't meant to be the point of his broodi.. his thoughts. 

She'd finally just turned and walked away. Not another word. Not another thing. Not a single look back. Walked out calmly in the middle of a fight leaving him more confused than ever. 

It might have been just a random noise outside that sent Spike moving from the bed but he put on his jeans and grabbed a knife before checking it out just in case. You never knew, it could have been those debt collectors getting fidgety for their kittens again. He didn't get far before the sight of Buffy coming down the steps towards him made him stop in his tracks. 

Spike's shoulders slumped but he turned the gesture into a lazy slouch and formed his face into a smirk to mask the sinking feeling in the general direction of his heart. Once their fights had instantly turned him on but these days they were just making him feel tired. 

"Well, well.." He drawled bitterly. "It must be Tuesday. Which is it this time? Dawn in trouble.. " He pouted mockingly. "..or has the whelp broken a fingernail? Does he need someone with a little muscle to cut off the stub?" 

Buffy said nothing but pulled her arms around herself defensively. Spike slowly took in the gesture and the vulnerable expression that stole across her features then made a "hmm" kind of a noise. 

"Oh right." His lips twisted nastily. "It's the hot and cold routine again." He mocked with bitterness evident in his tone. "You want the fighting first or are we cutting straight to sex we missed last night? Only this time could we do it without the punching in the face afterwards.. 'cause that's getting a little ti…" 

He was cut off by Buffy suddenly launching herself into his arms, knocking him back a few paces. Her arms locked around him and she buried her face into his neck. 

"Can we go easy with this, luv.." He began, trying to sound cool even though the feeling of her warm body against him was already driving him crazy. "I paid for this furniture and I'd hate it to get broken.." He leant forward, intending to nuzzle into her neck. 

Buffy surprised him again by letting out a choking sob and wrapping her arms more tightly around him. 

Spike froze mid-action... lips hovering just above her flesh. She was crying…?

Buffy let out another sob, then a tidal wave of them and Spike's bitterness faded away to be replaced by concern. His hands reached up to stroke her hair and cradle her head. He leant his head against the side of her hers, closed his eyes and held her close muttering soothing noises. 

"Is it Dawn?" He asked after a moment. She shook her head but didn't stop crying. "Red..?" The head shake again. "What is it then, Buffy-luv?" He kissed her hair tenderly. He felt like he was drowning in her pain. What could have upset her enough that she'd come to him? Cry in his arms? Not that he was complaining mind…

The crypt was silent apart from the sound of her sobbing, then she spoke in a soft, raspy, tear filled tone against his ear.. "I'm sorry." 

Spike's eyes shot open and his hands on her hair stilled. 

"What are you sorry for, pet?" He asked warily as she let loose with more sobbing. 

"I'm sorry." She repeated, nuzzling into his neck. He could feel her tears sliding down his collar bone. "I'm sorry." She pressed herself as close to him as she possibly could, her hands scrambling on his back as they had during their steamy encounters of the past, but this was different. 

Spike tried to think, to puzzle this behaviour out but came up empty. Buffy stopped her scrambling and dragged in a troubled breath, then pulled back in his arms to look into his face. The sight of tears streaming down her face was almost too much for him. She smiled sadly and brought a hand up to cup his face while he looked at her in confusion. 

"I'm sorry I don't love you." She said softly and swallowed with trouble as she ran her fingers over his lips. "But.." she looked down and then back up into his astonished blue eyes again. "I need you." She leaned forward to kiss him but stopped a hairs breadth from his lips. "Like I've never needed anyone else before." 

Their lips met and the force that always seemed to drive them took over again.. consumed them again. They kissed with a passion that could have sucked all the air out of the room. It was a good thing he didn't need it as there wouldn't have been enough left for the two of them. Buffy drew back to gasp in lungfulls before going back to his lips again but Spike stopped her. 

"No." He forced out and broke out of the circle of her arms. He put a few paces between them. 

Buffy stared at him, her turn to be confused.. the tears on her face hadn't quite dried yet. Spike's face was closed when he turned to look at her. 

"Why are you here?" He demanded and Buffy frowned. 

"You were right." She admitted after a long moment, fighting away the quip that had sprung to her mind about how that was something she vowed she'd never say. "I can't stay away. I can't help myself." The truthful answer came out instead. 

"So.." Spike looked away at nothing. "If you had a choice you wouldn't be here at all.." 

Buffy closed her eyes. 

"I have no choice." She swallowed with trouble again. "You're all I've got. I'm addicted to you."

"Against your better judgement!" The harsh and bitter retort opened her eyes and had her staring at him. He hadn't moved but she could see his anger as it trembled through the exposed muscles of his upper body. 

"Tell me it's not the same for you!" She spat back. "Tell me you can stay away from this.." Fresh tears sprang to her eyes. 

"Oh stop turning this into a childish melodrama!" Spike stated, cutting her off. He crossed the room and grabbed her shoulders before she could say anything. Their eyes met, burning into each other as the humidity in the room seemed to sky-rocket again. "This is very simple. You either want to be here or you don't." He relaxed his tight grip and his thumbs began brushing light circles on her upper arms. "I'm not addicted, Buffy. I'm doing this because I want to. I've never made a secret of that. I've never stopped this.." He lowered his lips towards hers and she instinctively leant into him, reaching her lips towards his for the kiss. "..because I want you." Their lips nearly brushed but Spike pulled away at the last moment. 

He didn't let go, just rested his forehead against hers. Buffy closed her eyes, sighed and rested her head back against his. They stood together just lightly holding on. 

"It's a choice, Buffy." He sighed, closing his eyes, reveling in the pain/pleasure of just holding her. "Tell me to leave. Tell me to go and I'll go. This time, I'll go." 

Her hands spasmodically clutched onto his shoulders. "Don't leave." She whispered. "Don't leave me like.." 

The unsaid names hung in the air between them but they didn't shatter the moment as it once might have done. The one big unsaid name didn't tear them apart. They still hung on to each other, just resting foreheads in an embrace so tender that it moved both of them. But for Spike it still wasn't right.

"I'm sorry, Buffy." He said softly. "The past is done. Nothing can change it. But we can't go on like this."

"Don't leave me." Buffy gasped but didn't open her eyes. 

"Then make a choice, Buffy. Tell me what you want." 

For Spike the silence seemed to stretch forever. Then Buffy's soft and tortured voice came to his him a world away. 

"I can't choose." She admitted. "I can't think. It hurts. Make the choice for me, Spike. Take the choice away.. please.. choose for me.." She begged him. 

Buffy moved suddenly, her lips reaching for lips, her hands roaming his back, almost destroying his fragile control. Their lips meeting, always with the same thundering passion guaranteed to drive away thought. It wasn't enough. Spike pushed her away with more force than he'd indeed and turned his back before he could see her face. 

"Then you'd better leave." He stated flatly. 

He heard her indrawn breath of shock. He wanted to turn back. To take her in his arms and kiss her into oblivion. But it would be wrong. 

"But…" He heard her say incredulously. "That's your choice?!"

"Slayer.." He said firmly and deliberately, back still turned, nails driving into his palms to stop him from turning around. "I want you more than I want blood." He said through his teeth, his control under obvious strain. "But if you aren't here by your own choice.." He paused, sucking in his cheeks. "..then I don't want you here at all." 

There was absolute silence behind him. He knew she was still there. She didn't leave. He could feel her still standing there behind him. They both stood frozen in a brutal tableau of pain and confusion. Him ramrod straight, hands curled into fists, nails still clutched into his palms, face tight with trying to keep control. Her slumped slightly, eyes turned to the floor but not seeing it. 

He felt her move but didn't turn. He felt her approach him but he still wasn't prepared for the arms that snaked around his waist.. he wasn't prepared for the way she pressed herself against his back.. the way she laid her cheek against his shoulder blade tenderly. Mind whirling with possibilities, he fought the urge to relax into her embrace. 

"What are you doing..?" He asked incredulously and could almost feel her smile.

"Making a choice." She replied against his ear as her arms tightened around his waist. "I don't want to make the same mistake I always make. I don't want to let you go if I can stop it."

Spike let himself relax back with a tired, disbelieving and definitely incredulous laugh. He uncurled his hands from their fists and closed his eyes, letting himself go in the amazingly tender embrace. 

They stood that way for long moments before Buffy loosened her grip enough for him to turn to face her. Wide-eyed they stared at each other as if they never really looked before. Buffy laughed suddenly, she actually laughed.. a happy laugh, that seemed to surprise her.. her face cleared as if a weight had been lifted as she realised what she'd done. Spike watched the transformation in amazement. He'd never even dreamt to see that look on her face when she looked at him. 

"What's with the chain?" She asked, coming totally out of left field. 

"What?" He asked, his thoughts having been somewhere totally different. 

Buffy raised an arm to pluck at the chain around his neck, the question in her eyes.

"I've been meaning to ask but it didn't seem like the right time.." She gave a half-smile. 

"Too busy jumping my bones.. right.." He smirked, but playfully this time. 

"That's the past, Spike.." She told him firmly and seriously. "We're leaving the past to it's proper place. The past."

"Oh, so you wont be doing that again, huh?" He made an upset face and started to move out of the embrace. "Not worth bothering with this then.." His sudden grinning spoiled the effect. 

She stopped him playfully and pulled him back into her arms, smiling. 

"I think that could be arranged." She smiled and kissed him. It was passionate and consuming but not as desperate as their previous kisses. Buffy pulled back. "So, about the chain.." She grinned. 

He tugged her hips firmly back against his and wrapped his arms more comfortable around her as she did the same to him. 

"I felt like a change. It is possible." He said and kissed her again hungrily. 

They stood in place for several minutes sharing more passionate kisses that were no less intense and desperate than those they'd shared before but strangely tender too. Time was taken to be gentle, to explore more. More leisurely window-shop than smash and grad raid.

Buffy broke free first, practically running out of his arms, leaving him standing there with his eyes closed reaching for the empty air where she had been, biting his lip and wondering what the hell was going on now. He opened his eyes in time to see her jump onto the bed like a child and fuss around for a moment before settling against the headboard and smiling a very adult smile of seduction. She crooked her finger and beckoned him over. 

Spike figured it out and made a show of strolling slowly towards her.. sexy grin, head tilt and intense eye contact in operation. Buffy smiled a smile he'd never seen before, rocking his world more than he'd believed anyone ever could. He wanted to grin a silly grin but he didn't because he had a plan. He reached the bed and rested onto his hands, crawling up the mattress towards her. The eye contact never broke. He made a point of merely brushing her legs lightly as he advanced up her body. She was gasping by the time he lay full length against her. He reached down.. and started tickling her. Her laughter erupted as she batted away his hands, trying to get him to stop. Spike let the silly grin take over and carried on, enjoying this far too much to stop.. until he felt her hands on his midriff… tickling back. He tried not to laugh.

"Buffy.." He cautioned as seriously as he could. "Buffy.. no…"

Her tickling hands carried on and accomplished their aim. The Big Bad dissolved into fits of laughter. 

"Yes!" Buffy crowed, carrying on. "Wish I'd figured this out years ago!" She giggled. 

Spike grabbed her hands and they tussled playfully until she finally let him push her hands above her head and hold her there, lying fully on top of her. 

"Oh yeah. I can just see it now." He mocked. " 'Giles, I have a plan.. why don't I tickle Spike to death?' I'd have loved to see his face, pet."

"Me too." She grinned.

Their eyes were dancing with laughter as they met and they both realised that they were joking about the past that only a few minutes ago had seemed the hugest stumbling block between them. He let go of her hands and rested on his forearms over her. He didn't move away. Buffy left her arms where they were. 

"Are you sure about this?" Spike asked, suddenly seriously. "No regrets in the morning?"

"It IS the morning." She replied lightly. "Well, afternoon." He didn't laugh, so she swallowed and looked back at him seriously. "I can't say that I love you, Spike.." She said softly, surprising herself by feeling hurt as she watched his face fall. She hastened into her next words. "..but I want you.. I do want to be here." She brought her left hand to rest on his lower back. "No regrets in the morning." She moved the other hand to touch his face and ran a finger down his nose. Smiled slightly she said. "And no more punching." She kissed the tip of his nose. 

Spike smiled slowly, trying to let himself believe her.. let her smile convince him. Trying to accept that this was for real.. but he'd never had a dream this beautiful. He wasn't worthy of this. 

"I'll never leave you." He told her sincerely. "I'll never hurt you like..."

Buffy shut him up but putting a finger over his lips. 

"Never tell me never." She told him seriously. "Let's make a deal. We take this one day at a time." Tears appeared in her eyes. "Never promise me forever." 

The tears overflowed. Spike gently wiped them away and kissed her cheeks softly. 

"Make love to me, Spike." She whispered.

He did.. with every kiss.. every touch.. silently promising her an endless series of todays. 

She gave back everything she could.. with every kiss.. every touch.. letting go of the past. 


End file.
